Losing my mum was not the only thing I lost as I've mentioned in my previous posts but also my partner which I consider a death, only a different kind of death. The ending of that relationship brought about a sudden emotional outburst that I haven't experienced in a long time, it was an outburst that completely consumed me. Not even my mum dying and her funeral made me do this, it was refreshing and at the same time harrowing.

In the weeks and months after the end of my relationship I did everything wrong, I begged, pleaded, promised change, cried and so on and so on.....all wrong and not the way to go out with dignity. But when I look back on those moments of sheer panic and weakness I see a number of things that have helped me. Firstly its moments like these that help us learn, if any future relationships end for me I'll know what not to do but more importantly what to do in the first place to stop a relationship from ending. Secondly, it helped me to discover ways to find peace with myself and my world and that's where meditation, affirmations and yoga have helped, more on that later. And lastly, It helped me to look at my mums death from a new angle and start the grieving process for both events.

I've realised that losing my partner was a result of losing myself, and I lost myself after my mum died and didn't apply what I know now because I didn't know it then. The only person in control of me, is me and I let my grief and sorrow consume me which in turn killed the attraction my ex partner had for me and killed our relationship.....killed.....dying.....died.....dead.....death. Starting the grieving process was a hard thing for me to do, still is to some extent, but an important one for me to move on with my life. And part of that process was finding ways to handle my emotions and give real thought and action on changing my past ways.

One way that helps me handle my emotions is meditation, its hard going but gets easier. As each week passes I become stronger in mind and can slip into a peaceful state with relative ease, although I'd be a fool to say that I've nailed the art of it because I'm long way off that. All I do is take myself to quiet room, sit or lay down and let myself drift away from reality and focus on breathing and what my mind is telling me. I love doing it because you get to escape the world for half and hour and my body and mind feel totally relaxed and at ease but most important...........peaceful.

Another change I've made in my life is the application of positive affirmations. Affirmations are your thoughts and words, everything you say and think is an affirmation that you put out into the world and universe and you receive a response based on what you think and feel. Now me being a very negative person (I'm working hard on this) brought me negative things and events, so after researching law of attraction and affirmations, I began to think in positive ways and look at my life in positive ways. So far I think its working but only time will tell because I have to keep working at it and build up my confidence with it. I have also started a vision board to help me strive towards my goals and dreams, Its a fresh project but one that has encouraged me no end. looking at my board fills me with hope, drive, ambition and excitement. Ill talk more about vision boards in my next blog.

Until next time, be peaceful and dont be afraid to seek help.