In my previous Blog I talked about how the death of my mum sent me into a downward spiral of grief, sorrow, sadness and despair. In this follow up blog I will talk about my slow transformation back into the world of me and what steps I have taken in order to be a more rounded person.

Firstly I would like to say that for all of those people out there that have experienced a death in the family, you are not alone in the way that you think and feel. Its a world full of confusing thoughts and mixed emotions, deep loss and for me great pain. Another thing that I would like to mention is that, everybody deals with loss in different ways, my dad for example stayed very quiet and chose to reflect and mourn quietly and in private only letting out the smallest of feelings. where as my sister would talk to any and everyone that would lend an ear.

Since the end of my relationship, Ive had lots of quiet time to reflect on the past two and a half years and where I went wrong and what I would have differently and will do differently when another death occurs. What helped me was the fact that I treated the end of my relationship as a death, only in this situation no one has died. But treating it like a death has allowed me to open up and feel the emotions of it, to cry and scream and grieve and mourn, do the things I didnt do when my mum died.

Feeling those emotions also enabled me to confront my fears, really stare them in the face and meet them head on. One of my biggest fears was opening up and allowing myself to feel in the moment, to let everything out and feel alive whilst doing it......and boy have I done that, many times over. This has helped me to confront another fear, opening up and talking about my issues with somebody I dont know, which was daunting at first but happily six months later is still a breath of fresh air. For me counselling has really helped me to understand the importance of communicating my feelings and thoughts and listening to the inner me. I would recommend counselling to anyone that is in pain, whatever the circumstances.

My counsellor has really helped me in the six months to feel alive and look at the past objectively and with clarity, which helps when im quiet in my personal space because I can listen with more intent and piece together what ive done wrong in my life and more importantly what ive done right. Listening when quiet brings me on to the next thing that I chose to do and thats meditation, and it has transformed my thinking in a big way. Im only a beginner and still learning the finer processes of stillness, focus, peace and quiet, but im getting there.....slowly and finding mental balance when it doesnt quite go right. In addition to meditation I have taken to making daily affirmations which again really helps me stay posistive and set my life goals. I will talk more about meditation and affirmations in my next blog.

Stay strong and dont be afraid to seek help.

Until next time.